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Archive for December, 2010

Something Beautiful

In your ocean, I’m ankle deep
I feel the waves crashin’ on my feet
It’s like I know where I need to be
But I can’t figure out, yeah I can’t figure out

Just how much air I will need to breathe
When your tide rushes over me
There’s only one way to figure out
Will ya let me drown, will ya let me drown

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, ’cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I’m in reach
‘Cause I am down on my knees, I’m waiting for something beautiful
Oh, something beautiful

And the water is risin’ quick
And for years I was scared of it
We can’t be sure when it will subside
So I won’t leave your side, no I can’t leave your side

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, ’cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I’m in reach
‘Cause I am down on my knees, I’m waiting for something beautiful
Oh, something beautiful

In a daydream, I couldn’t live like this
I wouldn’t stop until I found something beautiful
When I wake up, I know I will have
No, I still won’t have what I need

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, ’cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I’m in reach
‘Cause I am down on my knees, I’m waiting for something beautiful
Oh, something beautiful

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I’m a Realist

This is another interesting phrase in my life recently and one I’m finding to be rather peculiar.  In general, the people I know that call themselves “Realists” I usually find to be pessimists.  However, they don’t feel they are pessimists because “Realists” are merely just speaking the truth about how the world operates.  The “Realists” I’ve known in my life believe they are the midway point between optimists and pessimists.  And yet, I can’t seem to recall an instance when a realists has ever given me a “good truth”.

People are bad.  People are evil.  Humans disgust me.  The government is corrupt.  They’re just trying to take your money.  True love doesn’t exist anymore.  I don’t trust anybody anymore.  People are liars.  Life is hard and unfair.  Life is miserable.  I’d rather be alone.  Better I hurt them before they hurt me.  People only care about themselves.  I only care about myself.  People are selfish.  Why would you want to have babies and bring them into this corrupt world?  The list can (unfortunately) go on and on.

I hear people talk like that and I just shake my head.  There is just so much pain and negativity there and yet they defend that there’s just telling the truth, they’re just being realistic.  But none of those things are REAL to me… That’s not the world I live in.  And yet we live in the same world so how can that be?  Which one is the truth?  And maybe the bigger, more important question, “What IS real?”

This quote by Anais Nin sums it up perfectly, “We do not see things as they are, we see them as we are.”

That got me thinking… If everything we perceive to be real comes from within us, doesn’t that make us ALL realists??  Wow… that’s been a paradigm shifting thought for me the last few days.  Given my new definition, I’m a realist too.  It does make me a little sad to think about the reality of these other people who see/feel so much negativity in the world but it’s not my place to judge.  Rather, as I have talked about in my last few posts, it’s another opportunity to practice compassion and understanding.  And it’s not my job to challenge their reality and convince them otherwise.  Instead, my job is to just keep living and growing my reality.  To find truth, understanding, peace, and acceptance in a reality truly and uniquely my very own.

Yes, I am a Realist.

Namaste.

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Keep Doing You

I have received this (and many variations of it) advice a lot recently.  Keep doing you.  Take care of yourself.  Do what’s best for you.  Respect yourself.  Look out for you.  And on and on.
It is very valid advice and given with the very best of intentions.  I have said many of those same phrases to myself and others as well.
So why my recently interests in this? Why is this causing a dilemma for me?

I care for people.  A lot.  They inspire and motivate me.  They give me strength.  I would like to think one of my biggest purposes in life is to be a teacher.  Some of the greatest satisfaction I have in life is watching (and hopefully, helping) others succeed.  I truly believe in the student passing the teacher.  I draw so much faith from people, sometimes it’s hard to believe.  I truly believe in having a servant’s heart.  One of my favorite quotes and advice comes from Jim Rohn.  He says, “Find a way to serve the many, for service to many leads to greatness.”  The greatness I strive for in my life isn’t about awards or recognition or praise.  It’s about doing good for friends, family, strangers… the world.  THAT’s the greatness I strive for.  The satisfaction of knowing the world was hopefully a little better because I was in it.

And that’s where the dilemma comes from.  When my focus is only on myself, my world shrinks and I sometimes get extremely frustrated.  I’ve spent too much of my time and life living in a fishbowl.  My strength comes from people.  Helping others is what I DO.  I am at my best when that’s my focus.   It’s my purpose.  When that happens, my fire burns very brightly and the world is not enough.

The reason this is on my mind is because the one’s who give me this advice the most are also the one’s letting me down the most recently.  I’ve been depending on them for various reasons yet I’ve found myself trying to wait patiently because they’ve been too busy focusing on themselves.  So I waited and waited and waited.  I even did my best to cater to their schedule.  Moving things around to make it happen only to still be let down in the end.  And you know what? “Keep Doing You” started feeling more like an excuse than a reas0n.  There are things I’m STILL waiting for.  Maybe small and insignificant to them but it was pretty important to me.

I’m not trying to say these are bad people because they’re not.  They’re good people with a lot of good qualities.  In this particular area, I think we just have different values.  For some, their vision is centered on themselves, while other’s vision is centered on the world.  There is NOTHING wrong with either choice.  Both are fine, both are ok.  I think the bigger point is understanding which one you are and which one they are.  In this way, we can lessen our frustration and increase our compassion.

Yes, I will “keep doing me” but only to an extent.  The world is my playground and being able to help others is truly the best way I know to “DO” me.  To do anything less would only be a disservice to my Self.

Keep Doing You?  Yes, as long as you are aware of what you need to DO.

Namaste.

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Values and Acceptance

(Excerpt from my Meditation journal)

This morning’s session was interesting.  Since yesterday, I’ve had a few moments of disconncect and frustration… With others.  With things.  With myself.  I brushed it off as nothing until a friend called me later to ask if I was ok.  It’s interesting the tricks your mind can play on you if you let it.  Speaking of this friend, my friendship with this person has seemed very distant in recent weeks, a fact that definitely worries and saddens me.  Yet, nothing is wrong.  Friendships, I value very highly in my life.  Time, money, consequence, etc. I find are very small consequences to show a friend you care.  My faith and value system is strongly rooted within people (I’m sure my kapha dosha strongly influences this personal trait).  I rarely let “life” get in the way of my friendships/relationships.  However, it can also be a source of frustration for me as not many people hold this value in such esteem as I do.  I am ready, willing, and able to care for people at any hour of the day.  It’s one of my greatest strengths but also one of my greatest lessons.  Things I am willing to do with little hesistation are seen as inconveniences to other people.  Are either of us wrong?  No.  When those moments happen to me, I do my best to remind myself that perhaps we have different values.  A person who chooses an apple over an orange is merely honoring their best interests and what they feel is right.  When talking about values, the process is still the same.  It’s a lesson I remind myself of constantly.  When someone does something I think is wrong  or don’t agree with, I just remind myself that perhaps they just have diffent values than I do.  It allows me to practice acceptance and compassions, two things that are always good to work on.

This is very much what my meditation was focused on today.  There were many distractions this morning, both internal and external.  There have been many (unfounded) moments of dread, loneliness, confusion, and not being in alignment (with others, myself, and the universe).  Much citta vritti to work through.  I even needed a song (Krishna Das- Baba Hanuman) to begin and help me settle into my meditation.  A meditation that required a bit of reflection for me to feel good about it.  A lesson in acceptance for sure.

Just another step along the path.

Namaste.

 

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